Joke of the day
My house is sixty years old. Every time I fix one thing, three other things hear about it and break in sympathy.
Grandpa's advice
“Be the kind of neighbor who returns the ladder.”
Tell yours at dinner. Everybody has a grandpa line.
Overheard at the dinner table
“Why do grown-ups say "we'll see"? We never see.”
“The plan was to be good today, but the day had other plans.”
“When you were little, were there colors yet?”
Write down the funny things your kids say. You think you will remember. You will not, and they are the best stories you will ever own.
Meme of the day
More jokes
I only get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
I asked my wife where she wanted to eat. She said, “You pick.” I picked. We are now eating at the place she picked.
My doctor told me to watch my blood pressure, so I stopped watching the fourth quarter.
Former Marine at the grocery store: “Carts are returned to the corral. This is not a suggestion.”
The dog is not allowed on the couch. The dog is on the couch. The dog has been allowed on the couch since the day we said that.
A fresh set every morning. None of them comes back until the whole stack has had its turn.
More memes
The BRO Code: Do of the day
The whole list for SinglesKeep your standards and your manners.
You can say no politely and yes with class.
Make a memory tonight
Read today's poll out at dinner and make everybody answer before they can eat. Then do the dad-vs-mom showdown and let the youngest person at the table be the judge. It takes two minutes and it is the part of the day they will remember.
New laughs every morning. Come back tomorrow.